ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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