First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
