I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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