he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
