Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize