guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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