***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize