I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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