I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
