thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
