there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
