Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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