We won't sleep together?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
