Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
