I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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