T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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