just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
