So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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