ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
