the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
