I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
