so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
