He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
