So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
