would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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