i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
