I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
