i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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