Life is so much better after having sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
