How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
