He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
