he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
