he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
