i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You smell like stripper and shame
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
