Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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