Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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