My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
