I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
