i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
