Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
