Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize