How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
