omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
