Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize