she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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