Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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