Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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