what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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