I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
