Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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