so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
