I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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