I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
