It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
