I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
