she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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