It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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