Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
