dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
