i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize