The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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