i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
