am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize