we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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