i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
