sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
