This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
