So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
