Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
