my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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