so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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