So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
