I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
