I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize