How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize