my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
