When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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