I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
