Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
