Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Everclear isn't food dammit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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