Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
