You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
