honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
bring money and cleavage
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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