shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
