everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
