Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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